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2004 Thoughts

1/1/04 - 9:44 pm Yesterday was incredibly long with 8 hours of super busy and annoying work and then celebrating until 5am this morning. I basically spent the night hanging out with strangers and while some bad things happened it was still the best New Years of my life. I just hope 2004 goes as well as the last part of 2003 did.

1/3/04 - 10:23 pm It only took 24 hours after my last post for things to change. My New Years resolution is broken already... not really broken I guess, just made impossible. All the things that stopped hurting over the past couple months are coming back already despite my best efforts to stay positive. I don't think things will go back to the way they were but only time will tell. It took too many years of trying, frustration and waiting to get to this recent bit of happiness that fate decided to deal me. Unfortunately I don't have that much time to wait again.

1/11/04 - 11:10 pm A lot has happened since the last update and most of it hasn't been good. Work this past week was fairly stressful and it may continue to be that way this week. Several of us got pulled into a meeting last Tuesday for not doing something that the new project manager had asked some of us to do while he was out on vacation. He had asked the techs to disassemble several cubicles that had live power, phone, and network lines running through them. They didn't do it because it wasn't their job, they were uncomfortable doing it, and they were asked to bring in their own tools to do it with. So it didn't get done and both the project manager and program manager weren't too happy with them. I had brought up the whole thing about it not being safe nor their job to the program manager which is why I got pulled into the meeting... I think. Wednesday was an even worse day because of Tuesday but thankfully one of my co-workers took me out and I got nicely drunk. Thursday was fairly low-key... mostly because I was hungover. Friday would have been okay if one of the government people didn't invite himself to lunch after I specifically asked him not to join us. After what had happened during the week I thought that the techs needed to talk about things amongst themselves so I had un-invited the project manager and this government person. The project manager was okay with it but the other guy didn't get the hint. Friday night was pretty good again... out with the co-workers again. Saturday and Sunday were kind of a bust though... was hoping to go out with someone but didn't get to. Here's to hoping that this week doesn't suck.

1/15/04 - 12:45 am Ya know... I had a whole list of things to talk about on my soapbox tonight but I just don't have the strength to type it all out. Let me sum it up... I don't understand how a person can do everything right at work and in relationships and still end up feeling like he's about to get fired and still end up alone. How long should you let it continue before giving up?

1/24/04 - 12:47 am This week flew by thanks to a short work week and how insanely busy I was all week. I've been assigned to another organization on post for the past two weeks to help them reduce the number of tickets they have. So far it hasn't gone too well. Too many new issues crop up before we've had time to deal with the old ones. There are only two techs working on tickets when they could easily use three or four. Its kind of an annoying situation for me because I have a number of other duties which are either put on hold or aren't getting the attention they need because of my current assignment. What's even more annoying is that there are other techs that have so little to do that they are getting to spend time in our new "training center" learning new skills when they could be helping out this organization. Enough about work. I got to go out tonight with the co-workers and shoot some pool which was a good end to my week. I felt a little extra-wheelish at times tonight but we had enough people coming and going that I didn't think about it too much. I am worried that everyone will get home tonight though since its snowing and the roads weren't very nice when I left at 11:30pm. I'm also hoping that it doesn't snow so much that it wrecks my plans for Sunday which I am really looking forward to. After how this month has gone I could really use something good like Sunday.

1/31/04 - 7:42 am I can't sleep. It was a very long night. Things started around 6pm at Champions and we ended up closing the place down. There was much drinking... too much by some... not nearly enough by me. I had a good time for the most part but others did not. I did my best to help people with their problems but I doubt I did any good... an all too common result nowadays. This month did not start out very well but the rest of it was very good... with the exception of tonight. Things that would have crushed me a year ago only made me stronger, which is a good thing of course. Unfortunately it only serves to confirm what seems to be destiny, not help me change it. Changing it is not something I can do alone, and while I have found a few that are able, I have yet to find anyone that is willing. But here I am, doing my best to serve my purpose for as long as I can. Luckily the next few weeks will be very busy so I won't have much time to think about stuff like this, at least not during the day. The busyness will end just before the dreaded V-day but I have already taken steps to help me get through that. Only time will tell...

1/31/04 - 6:37 pm Another update today. My mood has improved a bit but not totally... I've been having some bad moments today. Got a couple phone calls today, one of which made me happy, the other I could have cared less about. My internet has been down pretty much all day so I haven't even uploaded this morning's update yet. For not sleeping at all last night I am feeling pretty good but I'm sure I'll crash here at some point, at least I'm hoping to.

2/6/04 - 12:49 am Its been another rough few days in pretty much every aspect of my life. My personal life has been at a pretty low point since the weekend and only got a little better today. I thought that I had lost a friend a few days ago and after a couple days of suffering things are a little better... but not back to the way they used to be. As a result of the friend thing, my plans for the couple days before V-day got canceled... so I'm not expecting to have a happy V-day at all... which really isn't a surprise. Work hasn't been good because of the friend thing... just haven't been able to keep my mind on work without thinking about my friend. Of course today things were a lot better but the end of my day wasn't as good as I had wanted. I finally had my yearly review and thanks to the incident with Asshat, I got screwed out of anything more than a 3% raise. I have a one day weekend this week because of the conference so I really need to get drunk tomorrow night.

2/7/04 - 3:04 am "Setec Astronomy"

2/7/04 - 11:15 pm Uhm.. okay... I don't know what happened last night. It was the first night in my life when I forgot things. I have no idea what time I left Champions, don't remember the drive home, don't remember anything until sometime around 3am when I posted my cryptic update. I remember turning off my computer before it finished shutting down and thinking "oh well." Of course when I turned it on today it was completely hosed. Besides the obvious troublesome detail of not being able to remember driving myself home, the knuckles on my right hand seem to be bruised. I wasn't in jail and my car and the house seemed to be okay so I thought I had done something stupid and hit someone at Champions. I called a friend who was there last night and since she was still speaking to me, I obviously didn't hit her or any of her friends. She said I didn't do anything and that I didn't seem drunk when I left... which is another bad sign. So I've spent most of today fighting a hangover, worrying about friends, and packing for my conference. Speaking of which... time for bed.

2/12/04 - 10:41 pm My week is over for... at least my work week. Sixty hours of work between Sunday and today has left me pretty tired. I know that a lot of people have worked longer and harder in their lives but this was a long week for me. The conference went well as far as my part of it was concerned and I think everyone was happy with the job we did. My non-work hours were not so good though... my co-worker seemed to like to talk about relationships, his wife, women, sex, etc a lot. Needless to say this didn't exactly put me in a great mood. Despite my long days I had a difficult time sleeping... probably because of sleeping in a strange place. Speaking of strange, I ran into one of the guys that I was at Ocean City with us in September... of course now he's my friend's boyfriend. I was walking down the street heading to a place in Little Italy and pretty much walked right into him... pretty funny really. On the down side of the week, someone that I'm interested in thinks that she won't be able to hold my interest so she won't go out with me. I have to admit that that's a new one for me... I'll add it to the list. This weekend is V-day...

2/16/04 - 9:16 pm This V-day couldn't have been much worse. Not only did V-day fall on a weekend, but it was a long weekend too. I will be moderately happy to be back at work tomorrow, at least until I find out where I'm going to get stuck this week. My parents went away this weekend to visit family, to have their V-day evening, and to give me time alone with my "girlfriend" (insert hysterical laughter here). They came back today and told me that my aunt dropped another hint that my cousin would really like to go to the beach with me this year. I was planning on inviting her anyway but not until later... since she's bailed on me twice already. Okay... tequila is calling me...

2/23/04 - 1:14 am It was a good weekend... nothing else needs to be said for now.

2/28/04 - 1:07 am It was a fairly good week as far as work goes. Thursday was the longest day I've ever had at this job mostly because I felt like crap and I had nothing to do. The rest of the days were pretty good... especially the one where the acting Project Manager was made to look like a pompous ass when all of the parts he ordered to upgrade a system were completely incompatible with it... which he was told before he ordered the parts. The rest of the non-work week went very well, especially tonight... my first night back out with the co-workers since before I went to the conference. If all goes as planned, the rest of the weekend should be good as well.

2/29/04 - 9:02 pm Today was almost a perfect day. I got to sleep in and was showered and out of the house by 12:45pm... well before the parents got back from doing whatever it was they were doing. What I did between 12:45pm and when I got home at 8:20pm is immaterial, just that it was a great time. When I got home is a different story though. I was here for all of 10 minutes when mother started in on the whole single thing again. She wanted to to know if any of the gang I was out with were single women and various other crap that I tried to tune out. The day was too good to let her ruin it so quickly but it did get to me.

3/7/04 - 11:09 pm Well, it was another good weekend. My work week was extremely busy for the most part. The bosses have "asked" me to move desks again... now I'm back in the very corner of the building in a room by myself. The idea is for me to train people since my desk is now in the training lab... we'll see if it actually happens that way. Friday was a pretty good day... we took the new Lead Tech to lunch to celebrate his new job and to welcome him back to post. Funny thing really... I graduated high school with his wife... even saw her at the Xmas party and it didn't even register. We all think the new Lead Tech will be really good for the group, especially for morale. Of course it gets the old Lead Tech out of the tech room and into his own office... which would be right next to my desk if they hadn't moved me :) Saturday wasn't the greatest day... woke up at 8am with a migraine... didn't get rid of it until noon... and went to work for a few hours to finish moving my desk. Dinner Saturday night was supposed to be at 6:30 but we didn't eat until almost 8pm... which is rapidly becoming one of my pet peeves. I'd rather take care of my own dinner but then someone gets pissed because I don't eat with them... but when I do plan to eat with them someone gets pissed when I request that dinner be sometime before 7pm. Today of course made everything alright... went to see "Starsky and Hutch" and had a great dinner... and that's all I'm going to tell you about.

3/16/04 - 1:21 am Life since my last update has been pretty damn good. I've been recovering from a cold for almost a week but it hasn't been too rough of a cold. Work last week was pretty good but I couldn't wait until the weekend. My Saturday started off by seeing "50 First Dates" which is a pretty good movie despite a less than perfect ending. Although I wouldn't suggest seeing the movie if your single... kinda depressing. The rest of my Saturday was about as perfect as it could be... the only thing that could have made it better was not having this cold. My great Saturday helped me get through the next day, which has traditionally not been a happy day for me. I was off today which gave me time to recover but lots of time to think. For some strange reason I can't stop thinking about Wednesday night. I'm planning on going out to Champions for St. Patrick's Days but I'm hoping that its more than just me there. I had invited several people but none of them could come... as long as one certain person is there my night will be a good one :) Off to bed for some happy dreams.

3/18/04 - 11:44 pm Yesterday was without a doubt the best St Patrick's Day I've ever had. There weren't as many people at Champions as I would have hoped but a few co-workers did show up... and so did the person I most wanted to see there :) Since most of the people that read this page already know, I might as well let the cat completely out of the bad and say that I'm dating someone. I could easily go on for several pages about her but if you're a close enough friend to read this page regularly then chances are good that you'll meet her for yourself one day. She makes me happy and with her I can actually think about the future more than a few days down the road. Oh, and she's gorgeous too :) She may be the one I've been dreaming about all these years... speaking of which, time for bed.

3/22/04 - 11:13 pm Today wasn't the best of days. I woke up feeling a little off and the feeling didn't go away all day. I did manage to get some stuff done at work but I got it done a little too quickly and the day sorta dragged on. I had lunch at a new Vietnamese place but I probably shouldn't have... never a good idea to try strange new food on a queasy stomach. Despite the "off" feeling all day, things are still going fairly well with me. I am a little worried about a certain special someone though. She has a pretty full plate right now and I think its starting to get to her. I know how strong she is though and I know she has a great family for support... I just hope she knows that I'll be there for her too.

3/23/04 - 11:07 pm I'm at a loss for what to say. For years I've told myself that I could survive on short amounts of happiness. A month here, a week there... collect enough bits of happiness and you could say you had a good life. Kinda like scraping the bowl after mom gets done making cookies... maybe you'll have enough batter left to make yourself a whole cookie of your own. I just can't lie to myself like that any more... its either all or nothing. I haven't lost this chance at happiness yet though. She's broken through some of my barriers and said enough encouraging words to tell me that all is not lost but that only time will tell. Time is something I am good at dealing with, and she's worth the wait.

3/25/04 - 11:04 pm Today was a beautiful day as far as the weather goes. In every other way it sucked. I got very little sleep again last night and when I did fall asleep my nightmare came back. I was hoping it would be gone forever but I guess I was wrong... and it game back on the exact date it first started 10 years ago. I didn't talk to my special some one at all today... wanted to give her the time she needed to figure things out. It was very hard to do especially since it was such a beautiful day and it just made me think of spending time with her. I was still confident though... confident right up until the end. Just got off the phone with her a little bit ago. She's found another guy and wants to date him instead. I've known about him for a few days but I really thought it would be different this time. The really sick part is that I'm not even mad, I'm just tired of it. I'm going to say this as seriously as I can... my body is 29 years old and while it has many years left in it, my heart does not. My 30th birthday is it for me... if I haven't found her by then, then there isn't much point in continuing with this sick little game is there? Winners never quit, and quitters never win, but only fools never win and never quit. I may be a fool for love but I'm not a fool in life. Interpret this entry as you will... I'm going for a walk.

3/28/04 - 10:03 pm Well, its was a horribly long weekend but I am considerably better than I was on Thursday. My Saturday was spent trying to learn some PHP and looking for a new job for a friend. My Saturday night looked like it was going to be boring but thankfully a co-worker called and invited me out to Champions. I wasn't there for long but I had a good time and learned some interesting things about work... and I actually got a good night's sleep for the first time in about a week. My Sunday wasn't the best but it didn't suck either. I ended up at Jay Bird's for a while to escape from home and be around people. When I got home I chatted with a friend and managed to pretty much piss her off. Thankfully the weekend is over and I can get back to work and being happy.

4/1/04 - 12:26 am The work week has gone quite well so far, all things considered. One of my co-workers is in the process of being fired because she moved out of a HUB Zone and it isn't making me very happy. I wouldn't mind so much if she weren't a good friend or if she really sucked at her job, but she is actually the best Helpdesk person we have... and we have a few good ones. Today was going good until my dad spoke to my cousin and came to the conclusion that he is never coming home from Korea. I pretty much already knew that but I didn't need mother to tack on "I guess our family will never get any bigger." She was hoping that he and his wife would move back here somewhere close to start a family and then she'd get her grandchildren. Anyway, thanks to that comment I ended up going out and shooting some pool with the soon-to-be-fired co-worker and her boyfriend. I really sucked tonight but I didn't really go there to play pool.

4/4/04 - 11:47 pm It was another long weekend but this one had a few good moments. My Friday started out an hour and a half before it usually does because I had to go into work early. That kind of threw off my whole day, especially the evening. I was looking forward to a night at Champions with several co-workers but two of the three bailed before the night started. One didn't say anything and the other had "heartburn" so he couldn't go out... I doubt I'll be asking him again. I had a pretty good time with the one co-worker that did show up though. A couple more people from post showed up after a while and I ended up leaving around 1am. On Saturday I did get to talk to a friend that was mad at me for a good part of last week. She was in a car accident coming home from work and was still pretty shaken up... as if I wasn't worried about her enough already. She's relatively fine but her car isn't and she's even more determined to find a different job now. Around 9pm I went out with another co-worker to shoot some pool at a different pool hall and watch Duke lose to UMass. I had a good time but I think he was bored... he wasn't too thrilled with the "options" that were available at the pool hall. Today I went out to see "Hell Boy" which was a pretty good movie even if it did make me a little sad. I had planned to see it with a certain someone and because of that, several parts of the movie got to me. Of course I also spent some time this weekend thinking about her moving into her new house. I've managed to put most of that to the side but little reminders are going to pop up for a while. Mother asked me yet again tonight if I had anyone new in my life and as usual I said "no". Then she said that she thinks I do but I'm just hiding her. Thankfully tomorrow is Monday. The parents will be away at the end of the week which will hopefully lead into a relaxing weekend for me.

4/7/04 - 11:25 pm This week has been insanely long so far and its only Wednesday. Work is going very slow for a multitude of reasons... because I'll have the house to myself as of tomorrow, because I have a co-worker/friend that doesn't seem to want to be around me, and because I've been waiting to hear from another friend all day and she doesn't seem to want to talk to me. I need something good to happen this weekend and I'm not having any luck making it happen.

4/11/04 - 11:06 pm It was a very dark weekend for me. I went out Friday and had a good time for the most part until the end. I wanted to stay out longer but the co-worker I went there with had left and I just couldn't take being there any longer. Of course things didn't get any better once I got home. Ever try to walk a dog at 2am when you can't even stand up straight... she may be a small dog but she can still drag you around. Saturday was boring but fine until the parents got home with a car load of "collectables." One thing mother bought was a Winnie the Pooh jack-in-the-box for one of my cousins new son. He's been nicknamed the "little prince" because he's the only male grandchild my one aunt and uncle have that will carry one the family name. Mother commented that she "was hoping to get things like this for our little prince but..." Yes... that was the end of the quote. Today was intensely annoying but only because every place I wanted to go to was closed for Easter. I did go out to see "Walking Tall" today although I was forced to see it at the old theatre. You know a theatre is in trouble when you only pay $4.50 to watch a first-run movie. Anyway, the movie was pretty good but way too short. The first commercial came on at 3:35pm... the movie started at 3:55pm... and the credits were rolling at 5:05pm. That's it for my weekend... maybe the next one will be better.

4/17/04 - 1:36 am It was an unbelievably busy week at work, just how I like it. Maybe I should rephrase that... I had an unbelievably busy week at work... other people seemed to do very little. I love my job and I love that I am as important as I am (which is way too important for what I am) but there really should be someone else that knows the stuff I know. I got a lot done this week and was hoping to do something fun this weekend but things don't look good right now. I went out briefly tonight with a couple co-workers and their friends but just didn't feel like staying for long. I was hoping to go to Champions by 6pm as usual but no one was willing to go. A couple other co-workers were supposed to go to the Keys game and then come out but they bailed as usual. The parents were supposed to go away tomorrow for a day trip to PA but they cancelled it... so my Saturday is going to be real fun. Still, it was a good week.

4/19/04 - 3:32 pm Yeah... you know this isn't going to be a good update when I'm writing it in the middle of work. I was in a good mood when I got here. I was still in a good mood when I was asked to go install printers. I stopped being in a good mood when the person helping me was told to come back and run a report for someone. I got in a worse mood when I had to walk back to my building because my ride had to run a report. Just last Tuesday we were told that our "priority is to do tickets" and what does the Asshat (this is a different Asshat) that told us that do today, he pulls someone off a ticket to run a fucking report... a report he should know how to run!!! Its Asshat's fucking job to run reports and push paper!!! He shouldn't be assigning me shit to do, shouldn't be having techs do his job for him. Ya know what Asshat... if you want to see if that computer right outside your office has the right patches installed, why don't you TURN IT ON AND FIND OUT?!?! Don't come get me three rooms away and have me do it!! There is a reason why I have five computers besides my work system sitting on, under and around my desk ya know... it's because I'm FUCKING BUSY WORKING!!! Weren't you a LEAD Technician for a while?!?! We all know you sucked at it but surely you still remember how to turn on a computer!!! Either learn how to do you current job right or go back to your old job and learn how do that one!

4/21/04 - 9:59 pm This week has been a long one and it doesn't look like its going to end any time soon. I've spent that past two days filling in for one of the other techs at a different organization and I have never been so bored in my life. Maybe one call has come in over the past two days. Since I'm not at my normal desk, I can't do any of my work and haven't had any luck creating things for me to do. All the boredom has just drained me and left me dead tired tonight. On the bright side, the non-work week has been pretty good with the exception of one dark cloud. I don't know about this weekend though, my cousin, his wife, and "the little prince" are coming for a visit. Doesn't look like its going to be a happy one...

4/27/04 - 12:54 am Too much has happened since my last update to write it all down so let me summarize. Friday... went to a soccer game... talked too much... annoyed people... came home. Saturday... mind-numbing boredom of an unequalled level... internet was down for large parts of the day... ended fairly well though. Sunday... plans got canceled... hid from my cousin by going to a movie and then to work... mother not happy... Wells not care. Today... pissed off friend... bad day because of that... had dinner with someone... didn't turn out as I had hoped... chatted with new friend... discovered that this page does do some good after all. Thank you to my newest friends, especially the one that said what needed to be said.

4/28/04 - 11:56 pm Its been another long week at work. It isn't that I don't like my job anymore, or that work is going badly this week... its just that work isn't the happy place that I need it to be, at least not this week. I got a lot done today but I think I got a little too much done because now I have very little to do the rest of the week. We got another new tech this week and once again one of the other techs was assigned the task of escorting him around post to get all of his signatures and ID cards. This is the third time this has happened, a tech being assigned the job of the project manager. Anyway, I'm hoping to do something fun this weekend but I haven't got a clue what its going to be yet. Time for bed.

5/1/04 - 1:57 am Work was good today. I was very busy which kept me from thinking about the week's unhappiness. Things did get better fairly quickly though since it appears that the incident that caused the unhappiness has been set aside. It hasn't been "forgiven" or "forgotten" because that isn't the way things work with her... but at least I'm being spoken to again. I did get to go out tonight with the co-workers which was something that I desperately needed. I did enjoy myself for the most part but some things were difficult to bear. My new semi-boss for example is married to one of my classmates and they have twin daughters. If you know me then you know how that is significant. Still, it was a good night. It was as good of an end to this week as I could have hoped for, and I mean that in the most positive way possible. I discovered that more people care about me than I thought, and not the people I was expecting either. I know I had a lot more to say about all this earlier but right now the sober brain cells can't remember what I had to say and the drunk ones don't care.

5/2/04 - 11:23 pm It was a pretty good weekend despite the boredom. Last week opened my eyes to a lot of things and I know things will improve from here on out. I'm sure I'll still have my issues with the parents but I will deal with them like I always do. I had a good phone conversation tonight which only further lifted my spirits about everything. Its funny how good things can come from the most unlikely of places. Time for bed I think... have the feeling its going to be a very busy week.

5/4/04 - 11:14 pm Today was a very good day but for no reason in particular. I didn't have all that much to do today but I managed to keep busy somehow. I did get a rather annoying email from a customer this morning basically telling me that I didn't finish the job I said I finished. A semi-polite phone call to him sorted things out... once he bothered to actually look at the completely fixed computer he accused me of not fixing. Some of my co-workers did not have a very good day though, especially the one that had his car screwed up when some guy ran a stop sign on post and hit him. The police officer that filed the report basically said it was a no fault accident because both drivers said the other one ran the stop sign. I usually have a lot of respect for the police but a little investigation into the accident would have been a good idea. My co-worker said he was hit hard enough to spin his car and it did enough damage to force him to secure his front bumper with an elastic tie-down. Sounds like a simple physics problem to me... one car was going fast enough to spin the other car when it hit it, and you won't get that kind of speed from a dead stop ten feet away. I did here something else funny from one of the helpdesk people. It seems that a number of tickets are coming to Tier II that should be able to be handled by Tier I and someone has an issue with that. Management thinks its a "training issue" and the helpdesk person that told me about it agrees... especially since they got next to no training when they started. How much sense does it make to have the next newest person train the newest person? Why don't you have the person that gets the most compliments or does the best job train the newbies? Even if you don't do that, how about having a plan for training people... so many days spent doing email/voicemail, so many days sitting with someone listening to calls, so many days having someone sit with you while you do calls, etc. Okay, enough of that for now. Looking forward to a fun Friday :)

5/8/04 - 2:33 am Ya know, this week has been an up and down week for me as far as emotions go. Work was good for the most part except for the news of a co-worker and friend leaving at the end of next week. I'm happy for her because I know how miserable she is at work but I'm sad to see her go. I had a nice long talk with my real boss on Thursday and found out a bunch of interesting things, none of which I can discuss unfortunately. Tonight was almost exactly the night I needed to make this a great weekend, regardless of what happens the rest of it. I went out, played some not-as-bad-as-usual pool, met some new people, and had fun. Time for bed and hopefully a good dream.

5/9/04 - 11:42 pm Another Mother's Day has come and gone. We took her out to Dutch's Daughter and while the food was good as usual, the evening took entirely too long. The parents both had a couple drinks before the salads arrived and that was two too many for the both of them. I always knew that mother was a little on the bigoted side about a number of things but she's a lot worse after a couple drinks. Nothing like losing more respect for mom on Mother's Day.

5/13/04 - 2:05 am It was a long day... far longer than I had anticipated. Went out to drink tonight with someone that I consider a friend. Wasn't really planning on drinking quite as much as I did but it wasn't "too much." Didn't learn anything new tonight, at least nothing that my gut didn't already know. I am kind of distressed that even in this stage of my life, I am more worried about the welfare and happiness of others than I am for myself. Still, I find that rewarding and I would trade it for very few things. Time for bed... only one more day until what I'm hoping is a great Friday.

5/16/04 - 10:58 pm Wow... talk about a long weekend. It started on Friday around 1pm with a going away party for a now-former co-worker. We began at Hard Times then moved to Champions around 6:30pm where we were until close. I had a pretty good time but I know that not everyone else did. It was just one of those days filled with emotions on many levels and for many reasons. Saturday started with me picking up a friend from Friday night and taking him to his car. After I few hours of relaxing at home I went to a barbecue with another friend and had an unexpectedly good time. After that I went back out to Champions with the friend from the morning. The rest of the night wasn't quite what I was expecting but it did have some very good moments. Today was a short day compared to the past two. Got up, went to work, went to a movie, went back to work. I took a chance and made a phone call today that had me nervous right up until it was answered. It went extremely well and was looking forward to talking again tonight but it looks like it will have to wait for another day. This week at work is going to be a long one for many reasons. It will be strange not having my friend at work but I think I'll have so much to do that I won't have much of a chance to think about her. I'm also worried about another co-worker/friend that was supposed to have surgery this weekend, but I'm sure I'll get an update on her sometime tomorrow. Okay, time for bed.

5/19/04 - 11:45 pm It was a long day but an even longer night. Work was very annoying today because I have a lot of things on my plate right now (which I like) but people keep giving me "more important" things to do which fills up my plate even more and delays everything else. It wouldn't be a problem if everyone had stuff to do but when other techs tell you that they have nothing to do and are "bored" then you wonder why you're getting more work. Then tonight happened... more comments from mother that I won't go into and a "friend" called me in need of help. I've never been to her place but it was one of those times when online/phone "help" wouldn't cut it... or so I was told. She gave me directions and I got lost. Someone should have told me that her development has two entrances... I used the one I know, her directions were from the other one. To shorten this story, it was a bad visit... a very very bad visit. After it was over I ended up walking around Baker Park for quite some time trying to calm down. I really hope tomorrow is a good day.

5/24/04 - 12:34 am The last two days of work last week were insane, but they were both very good days. Thursday was spent looking forward to a phone call after work. The phone call happened and it went unexpectedly well and quite a bit longer than I had thought it would. Friday was another good day... got a bunch of work done, had lunch at Jay Birds, went out after work and had a lot more fun than I thought I would. Saturday was basically another work day since I spent it fixing the office and home computers of someone. Can't complain though, made $350 for 7 hours of work. Was hoping to do something Saturday night but I think it was smart of me not to try too hard to find something... needed my sleep. Today I went to see "Troy" with a couple of friends. It wasn't too bad of a movie... far better than "Van Helsing" was at least. They didn't even come close to sticking to "The Iliad" which it was based on... apparently very loosely. Anyway, I did get an unexpected phone call from a co-worker today. Besides the fact that he never calls, he was out almost all of last week for unknown reasons. He was in a car accident early last week but was physically okay from what he told everyone. Management is making us feel like he isn't going to return at all. He is one of three people that will be out this week, and a fourth will be reassigned to another organization for a while. Its going to be a busy one but a good one I think... at least I'll get to go to an O's game on Wednesday :)

5/31/04 - 12:54 am Last week was busier than expected thanks to stupid people bitching about stupid things. The next two weeks aren't going to be much fun for me because I'm filling in at my least favorite place to go. I can't complain much though since things have been going pretty well for me lately. I've been getting out a lot over the past few weeks and its vastly improved my disposition. I've been able to be out and enjoy myself without thinking about the whole single thing. It has crept into my mind a couple times though, like on Wednesday when me and six co-workers went to the O's game. I'm not sure why it hit me then since I've never taken a girlfriend to an O's game before but all night all I wanted was to have someone there with me. It hit me again tonight when I was at a barbecue with a friend, his wife and son. It took me a couple hours to notice but I was the only single person there... and not just "single" as in without someone, I mean single as in not married. But still, I enjoyed myself and was glad I went. It has been a good weekend so far... mostly because the parents weren't here... and I'm hoping tomorrow goes okay now that they're back.

6/7/04 - 1:34 am The work week absolutely flew by, partly because it was only four days long and partly because we were insanely busy at my temporary location. The first day was a bit rough because the administrators of that organization have a difficult time giving people the permissions necessary to do their job. I think I got one thing done on my first day because I didn't have rights on any of the systems I was working on. It was like being told to fix something and being given all the tools to fix it but then being told you can't actually touch the thing. This is definitely one of those "its a nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there" kind of situations. Friday was a bit of an interesting day for me. One of my co-workers got promoted and we got together at Champions to celebrate but we didn't stay very long. The three people there convinced me to go to Lucas' and that place just isn't for me. The night was a bit different for a multitude of reasons, most of which had to do with relationships, none of which had anything to do with me for once. By the time midnight rolled around I was in the mood to gather everyone up, go over to someone's house, and sit around and bullshit the rest of the night. As it turned out, me and a co-worker headed back to Champions to meet up with a former co-worker and her boyfriend. That little bit of tension ended well enough and I took my co-worker home where I stay until around 4am. As for Saturday and Sunday... I was bored out of my mind. Mother keeps bugging me about going on vacation with them in July since my vacation is cancelled. I've told her "no" every time so far but she isn't getting it. I'd sooner castrate myself with a spoon than drive 7 hours to spend a week with her. I can't stand it here as it is and I'm able to escape from her if I need to... why would I subject myself to a week with her? Moving on... I had a particularly bad dream last night. I dreamt that someone called me and told me to stop calling them. It wasn't as bad as my usual nightmare but it felt like one of my deja-vu dreams... I'm just hoping this one won't happen. This week at work will probably go by quickly again, which is good since next weekend should be a good one.

6/10/04 - 11:32 pm Yup, its been a very quick week. The post is going to be pretty much dead tomorrow since its a National Day of Mourning and most organizations are closed. We will be at work of course... not sure what we will be doing though. I'm really looking forward to this weekend, it going to be a busy one but there is pretty much no way for it to be anything but a good one. Speaking of good ones... tonight was a great night. Had dinner with a friend from post and had a bunch of good conversations. Time for bed... want to get the weekend started as fast as possible :)

6/13/04 - 11:17 pm It was a great weekend!! The highlight of my weekend was seeing my friends from college. There were many many moments of family-related tenseness, especially when we went to the National Aquarium in Baltimore, but since it wasn't my family it didn't bother me all that much. I spent my time being as good of a diversion as I could be and I think I succeeded. After the aquarium one of my friends and I came back to Frederick and saw "The Chronicles of Riddick" to kill some time before the evening's party. It had a lot of good special effects in it but the story left you scratching your head at the end of the movie. The graduation party for my friend's little sister went very well, at least I thought it did. My friend introduced me to a childhood friend of her's that happened to serve with Detrick's Commanding General back before his days at Detrick. She seemed very nice and I would have liked to talk to her more but I didn't want to seem overly-interested. The night ended well enough and I woke up this morning after getting about 8 hours sleep. Things after I arrived home weren't exactly the greatest but I'm not going to talk about them since the rest of the weekend went so well.

6/21/04 - 12:26 am This weekend wasn't nearly as good as last weekend but then I wasn't expecting it to be since it was Father's Day weekend. I guess it started on Friday when I got my refund check from the beach. In a way it made me sad because my vacation plans were definitely canceled now, but it also made me a little happy because I got most of the money back and I don't have to pay more to spend a week by myself in a huge house. I went out with some friends Friday night and was out a lot later than I had planned. Not that I'm complaining though since I love being around the people I was out with. The usual Friday soccer game I go to started about a half hour late because a couple from the game before got married on the field. I thought it was a cute idea... probably one of those marriages that will last forever. Anyway, the game ended around 1:30am and then I went for an unexpected walk with a friend. Despite me not being in the best of moods at the end of it, it was a great end to the night. Saturday was an annoying day for the most part but I can't really remember why... probably because my mind was too busy thinking about other things. My Saturday night had an interesting end when a friend called me to drive him home from a bar on post. I was there for a while before we left and I have to tell you that drunk people are funny when you're sober. Anyway, today was just a shity day. Mother didn't grasp the fact that I didn't have to be kind to her on Father's Day... that's what Mother's Day was for. Thinking about Friday night got me through today without flat out yelling at her. I don't know what the work week is going to hold this week but things could be interesting. And I'm already looking forward to next weekend :)

6/24/04 - 12:50 am Its kind of a rant tonight. I've made plenty of mistakes in my life, and probably the biggest one has been my unwillingness to give those I've been romantically involved with a second chance. Part of it was stubbornness, part was pride, and part was a desire not to be their second choice. Whatever the reason, I won't ever do it again. Not because I'm lonely or desperate, but because there was a reason I was involved with them in the first place and that reason deserves at least a second chance, if not more. The greatest mistake of my life was because I was unwilling to give another chance and I pay for that mistake at least once a week. I don't really expect this to affect anyone from my past since I don't talk to most of them anymore but for the future, if I fail to give someone I'm involved with a second chance, I'm hoping someone will remind me of this little rant.

6/27/04 - 11:56 pm Despite being annoyingly sick this weekend I had a great time Saturday night at Cancun Cantina. I met some new people and hung out with some current and former co-workers. My only complaint about the night was that the bartenders weren't very good at mixing drinks, but that was a pretty minor thing. The next month is going to be a very interesting one both at work and away from work. Work is a bit complicated at the moment because we are extremely shorthanded and could possibly lose two more people in the next two weeks. One of them wouldn't be much of a loss but the other would be missed. As for things outside of work, my parents will be out of town most of this week and the week of July 11th so I'm looking forward to some time alone... or at least without them. Hoping to get some people here the weekend of the 16th but a little fun but we'll see how that goes. Well, time for bed...

7/6/04 - 12:17 am It was a great week and an even better weekend. The parents were gone most of last week and only returned on Sunday... and I was gone when they got home so I didn't really see them until this morning. The work week was incredibly busy from a combination of being very understaffed and normal pre-holiday stuff. One of the two co-workers that was AWOL last week returned to work on Thursday without much fuss from management... at least as far as we know. The other co-worker was officially fired this week, or "voluntarily resigned" I guess would be proper term. I have someone in mind to replace him though so it isn't much of a loss... especially after I found out about his work habits over the past few months. As for this weekend, Friday night was great, Saturday didn't go quite as planned, Sunday was great, and today was pretty good too. Yeah, not much in the way of detail there but its late and I don't feel like writing it all out. This week is a short week and should go fast again. Parents are gone again next week :)

7/12/04 - 11:04 pm Last week went by quickly yet again and was just as interesting as the week before. Another employee was terminated on Thursday after not showing up for work on Wednesday. She called 5 minutes before her shift was supposed to start to say she wasn't coming in which caused someone else to work a 12 hour shift to cover for her. It was pretty obvious by the end of the day that she was going to get fired but it wasn't definite until I showed up to work on Thursday and couldn't get into my office. The had changed the combinations to all of our doors in preparation for her firing... and because of the guy we cut loose the week before. Anyway, the Helpdesk is even more understaffed now and will only get worse once two of the current staff are moved up to Tier II. That kind of disappoints me because I want someone I know to get hired on as a Tier II but it looks like he may have to start at Tier I if he gets called. This past weekend was particularly difficult, at least Saturday was. Mother was bothering me about a multitude of things and the day ended with her talking about changing her will. Saturday felt like it dragged on for three days, probably because they were leaving Sunday morning. So now they're gone and I'm enjoying my "vacation." I'm off work all week and miss it already... just not enough here at home to keep me busy. I was hoping for some company this Friday and Saturday but it looks like I might only have one person come over for part of one day... maybe, if I'm lucky, real lucky. Today was productive though, got a few things around the house done, things that the parents don't think of doing... like fixing broken things. I shouldn't fault them though... it does take a lot of work to go out and buy more "collectables" for the house... can never have too many you know. Speaking of stupid people... saw my first episode of "Maury" in a long time today. It was roughly the same topic that I saw the last time too... along the lines of "I haven't got a clue who my baby's daddy is." No one broke any records today though, one lady has only tested three guys so far... nowhere near the record of the lady who had to test seven and still didn't find out.

7/16/04 - 1:30 am I've gotten everything done that I've wanted to this week and it feels pretty good for the most part. Today was basically the "big day" for this week because I met with a loan officer to see about getting pre-approved for a home loan. Long story short, it was not a very good meeting. The bright spot was finding out that my FICA score is great. The sad truth is though that I don't make enough doing the job I love to afford anything I'd even consider. I left the meeting and was in a daze for at least the next hour. I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do now other than save money and try to keep my sanity. Tomorrow is going to be spent preparing for Saturday and helping a friend move heavy things. My Saturday is going to be a little busier than expected but in a very good way I think. And I still have one person coming over Saturday night, or I did as of yesterday. I thought I had a friend/co-worker coming over too but she decided to see her b/f instead. Can't really blame her but I would have liked to have at least one other person here, especially if it was her. Time for bed... or at least time to toss and turn for a couple hours.

7/19/04 - 12:19 am Well, my vacation is over for the year. The parents have returned and it is back to work for both me and dad tomorrow. While my week was very relaxing and productive it wasn't nearly as enjoyable as I had hoped it would be. I did get to see three pretty good movies this week, got a haircut, cleaned my car, fixed a bunch of stuff around the house, and saw the loan guy of course, but the thing I most wanted to happen didn't happen. Yeah, it made cleanup today pretty easy but I would have rather had the company. I did get to hang out with a friend today and go to a cookout of sorts. I had fun like I always do when I'm around her and it made me feel better after what happened, or didn't happen on Saturday. Anyway, back to work tomorrow for what will most likely be a busy few weeks.

7/21/04 - 11:48 pm The work week has positively flown by. Monday and Tuesday were pretty busy as far as tickets go but today was a lot slower. Thankfully, I had a fairly long and annoying ticket to deal with so it took up about half of my day. Regardless of what happens on Thursday and Friday of this week, it will still be a great week because we got news that our current project manager has resigned his position. While I do feel sorry for him because he was kind of forced into this job despite being under qualified, he was still completely ineffective. Pretty much every time I walked by his office when he was in it, he wasn't doing a damn thing but surfing the internet. And we won't even talk about the personnel mismanagement that has gone on while he was in charge. Outside of work I probably could have gotten along with him just fine (mostly because I get along with everyone) but in a work context he wasn't someone I wanted to deal with. On a more personal and social note... oh nevermind... going to bed ;)

7/26/04 - 12:47 am Okay, so last week wasn't as good as I thought it would be. It sucked actually and its going to continue to suck for a while thanks to my stupidity. I've had a headache for three days now and the parents coming home today from their 40-year high school reunion didn't help me at all. Mother seemed happy though since she found out she isn't the only one in her class with a single, childless son. My mind won't stop racing about the stupid tinhg I did last week and the person I hurt... just won't stop.

7/31/04 - 1:43 am It was a busy and pretty amazingly horrible week. I continue to pay heavily for my mistakes. Many others have told me to move on and that they aren't worth what I'm putting myself through. Saying they aren't worth it is worse than doing what I did though.

8/2/04 - 11:32 pm Well, my weekend was pretty good despite what seemed to be a bad beginning. Saturday started out a little slow but picked up when I unexpectedly got to see one of my good friend's from WVU. She was passing through Frederick on her way home and we met up for a beer. Its been almost a year since I've seen her... not for a lack of trying mind you. I went out with some friends Saturday night and had a lot of fun, although I didn't get to see the band I was hoping to see. That may have been a blessing in disguise since my ears were ringing from the much quieter place we ended up at. Anyway, Saturday was also "grant a wish" day and to my surprise, only one person wished for anything. What was wished for was very thoughtful and kind and I'm going to have a hard time fulfilling it but I'll do my best. The work week has already been a good one. Today was fairly busy and I met our new project manager... which is funny since none of us have officially heard that the old one is leaving. The next month is going to be a busy but good one I think... or at least I'm excited about it.

8/9/04 - 9:32 pm Its been a busy but overall very good seven days or so. We finally got word last Wednesday that our Project Manager is leaving as of tomorrow... so you pretty much can't ruin my week ;) Last week ended very well... pretty much because I ended up in Ocean City over the weekend. I had a great time despite only being there a couple days. I used to think that driving that far for just a couple days was a waste but after this weekend, I think I'll take any chance I can to get away. I didn't get to sleep in at all this weekend but it was well worth it. Work today felt a little strange... like I had been off all last week or something. It looked like it was going to end up a good day but then my car decided not to start when I went to get dinner tonight. I didn't get any warning signs that something was wrong... it started fine 5 minutes before, now it won't even turn over. I've already called in for at least part of the day tomorrow so I can attempt to get it fixed. Hopefully whatever is wrong is still covered by the warranty.

8/11/04 - 8:38 am I heard about this twice already this morning, once on the news and once on the radio, and it disturbed me both times. In order to fully understand this you need to go to cuddleparty.com and read about it for yourself. Basically, its a bunch of strangers getting together and cuddling for hours at a time in one big group. Now I consider myself a cuddler, but there is just something wrong with paying money to cuddle with a bunch of strangers. Just needed to vent about that.

8/17/04 - 11:39 pm Nothing too terribly exciting has been going on over the past few days. My weekend was pretty good despite the parents being home and mother freaking out about school starting today and her new room not being ready. After 13 years in the same classroom, she decided to move to a new school for a change of pace, fewer students, and probably more headaches. She managed to get away with not dealing with technology at her old school but now she doesn't have a choice... like dealing with something she calls "the Toshiba." I have already given up trying to tell her that "Toshiba" is the company name, not what it is. Anyway, my Saturday was pretty good once I managed to make it up to my boss' house for a company cookout. My Sunday was spent working on a computer that only had "one thing to fix" when I first asked the customer about it but had at least a half dozen by the time I picked it up. Work has been interesting so far this week. We have a couple new people that started and one that got promoted so things are even more unstable than they were before. One of the government bosses pretty much pissed myself and my boss off today by getting involved in things he shouldn't be involved with. He tried to tell me that it was more important for me to fill in for another tech (which almost anyone else can do) rather than complete a time-sensitive project that has taken almost 10 months to finish (which only I can work on effectively). We think we have that straightened out though. The next few weeks will definitely be busy at work... I just hope I have some fun on the weekends.

8/24/04 - 11:58 pm I haven't felt like updating this much in the past couple days but now that I've calmed down I figure I can safely do it. This weekend was pretty amazingly horrible on a multitude of levels, all of which had to do with family. I could have written a book after Sunday but now that I've had a couple days I think I'll just let it go here. Sunday did have a couple bright moments though. I did find out that my friend will be joining me on my trip to Mo'town next weekend, which I wasn't expecting since I hadn't heard from her lately. Anyway, off to bed.

9/7/04 - 10:59 pm The past two weeks have been insane with work, both at my normal job and at my side job. A couple of the projects that I've been working are nearly complete which means everyone is in a rush to get them done. Of course both groups of people are trying to complete the projects at the same time which is a bit of a challenge for me. Thankfully I am pretty much done my bit for one of the projects and am only needed when they screw something up. Enough of the boring work crap. This past weekend was as close to perfect as I could get. It started and ended a little rough though. I was off work on Friday and planned on being on the road by 5pm. My travel partner was hoping to be at my house by 3pm but I knew that wasn't going to happen, which it didn't. The "rough" part was that mother arrived home early on Friday... an hour and a half earlier than she ever gets home. My partner hadn't arrived yet which meant mother would end up meeting her... something I had hoped to avoid at all costs. Well, mother met her when she arrived (a meeting I will probably hear about for years to come) and we quickly loaded up my car and hit the road. The trip was faster than I expected for a Labor Day weekend Friday and we ended up getting to her friend's house around 9pm. I hung around there for a few then headed off to my home for the weekend. Saturday turned out to be a lot better than I expected since two of my friends ended up going to the game. I left the house around 1pm, went to the mall, got a much needed new WVU hat and made it to my other friend's house at 2pm. Now this friend has never been to a football game before (in her 6 or 7 years of undergrad and grad work at WVU) and I was thrilled that she wanted to go in the first place. After a brief wardrobe change (jeans are bad in 85 degree weather but sneakers are good) we were off to find a place to park and begin our day's walking. By the time we made it to The Pit we were both a bit warm and my friend was starting to regret wearing open-toed sandals. The Pit was great... I got to see a bunch of people from my old job, including one that I never got to say a proper goodbye to, and I managed to get my picture in the paper... sort of. The game itself was a good one, we ended up winning 56-23 which was pretty much expected. After the game was over, my friend and I had another long walk back to the car but this one took at least twice as long as the first one because we had to hobble at about half speed. My friend said she had a great time and wants to go again but next time she will wear sneakers because her feet were nothing but blisters by the time she got home. Sunday was unbelievably good. My blistery friend and I went to see a movie with one of her long-time friends. We saw "Garden State" which was a bit strange but a good movie all around. Don't really want to say too much else about that part of the day... don't want to jinx anything. I went out to dinner with another friend Sunday evening and had a pretty good time as usual. I was kind of hoping to do something else Sunday night but it was probably best that I just stayed in. Monday was a long day that started off with a yummy home cooked brunch. I picked up my friend and we headed back to MD around 2:30pm. The trip back was long... bumper to bumper once we hit RT70, but I really didn't mind too much. After my friend and I parted ways things got a little bad around the house. As you can probably figure out, mother had a number of things to say about meeting my friend on Friday. I pretty much ignored her because I didn't want to wreck my great weekend :) Now we just wait and see...

9/14/04 - 12:18 am My weekend looked like it was going to be a good one. A friend invited me out to Champions Friday night and I had a great time, even if I didn't get to play much pool. My friend had never been drunk in front of me before and it made me feel good that she trusted me to get her home safely. The two of us and two other friends were there until about 12:30am I think... I don't really know because for the first time since I've been going there I didn't care what time it was. I wish the rest of the weekend had gone even as well as Friday. Saturday and Sunday were both pretty miserable days around here for reasons that I don't feel like talking about anymore... not much point really. This week at work will hopefully be slow enough to let me catch up on some stuff I need to get done, although my after work hours and weekend are pretty much spoken for already. Time for bed.

9/20/04 - 12:42 am Last week was far busier than I though it would be. Eventhough we had few tickets to do it always seemed like there was something to keep me busy. I've started to play racquetball with co-workers at lunch again. It was just one of them but now I'm up to two... possibly three this week. My week ended in a very good way when I got an email from a friend at WVU. To make a long story short, I'm really looking forward to my trip to WVU in October. This weekend went very very slowly despite having a lot of work to do. The storms from Friday knocked out my internet service from Friday night until about 1am Sunday morning which meant no fixing computers. I only got one of the three I needed to work on done which means I'll have a very busy week after work. Saturday was a pretty good day... WVU beat Maryland in football and the parents were gone for the whole day. Off to bed.

9/26/04 - 11:37 pm It was another good weekend. I went over to Mo'town to see this week's game and had a pretty good despite going to the game by myself. Friday night was a lot more exciting than I was expecting and I ended up meeting some good people as well getting to hang out with old friends. Saturday was game day of course and while the game was a little flat, we did win and I did have a lot of fun before the game. I was hoping to see one other friend this weekend but I didn't get a hold of her until after I had gotten back to MD. The next four weeks are going to be very long since I'm already excited about going back over to the Syracuse game :)

10/2/04 - 12:04 am This week flew by... the first part of the week was busy because of the sheer number of calls we had but the second was busy because of the kind of calls we had. Overall, work was great of course... after all, there have only been a few days in the past two years that haven't been great... and those I owe to Asshat. Today was a day of mixed emotions for me though. My decade-plus long nightmare continues of course but my occasional reoccurring dream has changed over the past few months. My "dream girl" never had a face before but now she does, even if it does change every time. I do know the faces though, faces of people that I know and care about... people that my conscious mind knows would make a good partner. I don't know if its a good thing or not... my unconscious mind only showing me people that my conscious mind wants. Either it means the two are in sync or that it's all a pipe-dream... I'm pullin' for the former. Other things... Dad got a new job today... well, more of a promotion than a new job but I'm happy for him nonetheless. His birthday is next week so its kind of an early b-day present. Speaking of birthday's... Sunday is her birthday, the one I should have held on to. Its also the birthday of a soon-to-be co-worker and husband of an old friend. I don't think October is a very good month for me... too many dates that mean stuff to me. Oh well... rambling is done for tonight.

10/4/04 - 12:41 am It wasn't too bad of a weekend. Saturday was a rather busy day... at least it felt like it. I got up early to drive to Westminster to pick up a computer then watched the WVU "game" until the bitter end. Despite only losing by six points the game really was a blowout... I mean when one team doesn't get a single 3rd down conversion you can't call it much of a game. Anyway, I spent the entire day fixing that one computer so I didn't get to do anything else. The night ended in a good way though... got a phone call from a friend at 1pm. She was upset about something and needed someone to talk to and I was happy that I was there for her... pretty much made my day. Today was pretty good too. Beat my dad in racquetball (first time in about 20 games) and made another trip to Westminster to return that computer. Today was someone special's birthday... the first of a number of important dates I remember in October. Still looking forward to that trip to WVU in a few weeks... of course the game doesn't matter as much now... god do we suck.

10/11/04 - 10:48 pm I had a three day weekend thanks to Colubus Day and for once it wasn't "too long" of a weekend. It was fairly slow and boring but also a very sad weekend. For those of you that haven't heard, Christopher Reeve passed away on Sunday. In recent months a number of famous people have passed away but all of them were old enough that it didn't come as too much of a surprise. Christopher Reeve was in his early 50's and despite being confined to a wheelchair, was in good health... at least so I thought. The first "Superman" movie was one of the first, if not the first, movie I ever saw in the theaters... and yes, I do remember being 3 years old and the year 1978. On top of that new, my dad got word that one of his co-workers came home from the movies on Saturday to find her 14 year old daughter dead from a severe asthma attack. That's just one of those thing that puts things in perspective ya know. I did hear from a friend today that had knee surgery this morning. I wasn't really expecting to hear from her but I was thinking about her all day and was very happy that she called and came through surgery okay. That bit of good news should start off my shortened work week fairly well.

10/17/04 - 1:07 am It was a short work week but extremely busy nonetheless. We had two new people start this week and at least one of them is going to be an excellent addition to the team. He really didn't get much training time in this week (because he wasn't allowed to touch any of the computers) but he did get to know some of the people that he's be working with and so far he's getting along well I think. This weekend started out fairly well with an unexpectedly good Friday night. Today was very good too, despite spending over $650 on car repairs. A couple friends invited me over to their place to hang out and "taste wine." I'm not a wine drinker but I still had a great time. We all ended up going out for a while and I think everyone had a good time. One of the people I met tonight was very interesting eventhough some people wouldn't pick her as my "type." I respect and trust their opinion but my tastes vary so widely and my personality is so adaptable that know what I'm attracted to is difficult. Knowing what I'm not attracted to is a lot easier... and that's a doormat or a weak personality. Give me a woman that speaks her mind and can stand up for herself any day. Speaking of which, its only a few days until my trip to WVU and hopefully a very good weekend. Last I heard I had a semi double date with someone I've been interested in since August but as always, I don't count on it happening until I'm actually out on the date. Okay, time for bed.

10/24/04 - 10:37 pm It was a very long, long weekend. Thursday started out perfectly with my friend showing up early and us getting on the road right on time. About an hour into the trip is when things started going badly. There was a huge accident on I-68 which turned my usual two hour trip into a four hour trip. I got to the game late which left no time to hit The Pit but I did have three guests with me instead of one so it all balanced out. The game was a good one but enough of a blow out to leave early. Friday was a long day of waiting and doing nothing exciting. I have lunch with a friend then killed some time until I could check in to my hotel. I'm really going to have to plan ahead for next football season... the hotel I like is just too nice and too convenient not to reserve it for games. Anyway, Friday night was a bit of a disappointment but it was sort of my fault. I met a friend at Gibbie's but didn't stay very long for a few reasons, the first of which was that I wasn't feeling too well. The second reason was that my friend seemed to know half of the bar and I only really knew her. I wasn't about to follow her around the whole night but I really didn't feel like sitting at a table with a bunch of strangers either. We did run into one friend that I remember from when I was in school... she hadn't changed much other than becoming a mother since then. The last reason I decided to leave was because of this unbelievably obnoxious guy that I couldn't seem to get rid of. I thought he was the boyfriend of someone there but it turned out that he was just some drunk ass that tried to insert himself into everyone else's conversations. I don't think I've ever been so instantly put off by anyone in my life. Anyway, I went back to my room and went to bed early. Saturday was supposed to be the big day but I knew Thursday morning that the date was pretty much off. Basically, two very important participants in the date (the women) were busy with work and/or school work. I did get to see a movie with a friend but the movie was so bad (Team America: World Police) that is didn't make up for the date. I tried to find something to do Saturday night but didn't have any luck... although I did discover that I really like Jagermiester and Red Bull :) I did get to chat with a friend late Saturday night and even talked to her on the phone briefly when she tried to do something very nice for me. I could say a lot more about her. There are very loose plans right now to try the date thing again before T-day.

10/31/04 - 11:57 pm Last week was a very eventful and busy week and this weekend wasn't too bad either. The big news from this week was finding out that one of my closest friends and her husband are expecting :) I was pretty certain she was pregnant the last time I saw her several weeks ago but I didn't come right out and say it... didn't want to jinx anything. Anyway, that was a pretty good piece of news for the week so not too much really needed to happen to improve things. We had a new tech start this week and she's already doing quite well... and another one starts this week. My weekend was fairly busy since I spent most of it building my parents' new computer. Not entirely sure why I went and got them so much but it was time to upgrade a little. I did have a pretty good time both Friday and Saturday night's though. I went out and shot pool with a friend on Friday and then went over to his place on Saturday to escape from home and keep him company while he watched two 10 year olds. It looks like November is going to be a very interesting and busy month. I don't think we will be fully staffed any week this month due to vacations and honeymoons... and I'm hoping to have a couple good weekends in there too. Ever get that feeling like you're close to something happening to you? Kinda the way I'm feeling right now.

11/7/04 - 11:47 pm This weekend was such a good weekend that I almost don't want to go away next weekend. Friday night I went out with a couple friends and met some pretty great people. It was a very long day for me and despite not wanting it to end, I needed to get home and get to bed... so I finally made it in around 2am. Saturday was a long day working on computers but still a good day... especially since the parents weren't home for most of it. Today was a fairly slow day until about 9pm when I met up with a new friend and saw "The Incredibles." If you haven't seen it yet, you definitely have to since it has some of the best animation I've ever seen. Anyway, tonight set the tone for what I'm hoping is a very good week.

11/10/04 - 12:27 am Yup, its a mid-week update. It was such a good day that I didn't want to make anyone wait for an update... and I just know that at least one person has requested more updates. First off, I had my annual review today and it went extremely well. I didn't quite get what my boss had promised me as far as a raise goes but I did get a sizable one. Other than that, work was very busy... at least for me. Tonight was a very good night. I went over to a friend's house and watched a movie and talked a bit. I'd love to say more about my night but I don't want to jinx anything.

11/21/04 - 9:55pm It was a very difficult week and barely survivable weekend. Work was fairly insane due to two people being off, one important project that needed worked on, and a bunch of patches that needed done by the end of the week. I survived the week of course but not without some problems. Life since my last update has not been too fun. Things that were looking up on the 10th started to take a nose dive by the 12th and completely crashed by the 15th. I don't know how or why it happened but I think it came down to two people wanting to go different speeds with a relationship. Sadly, I don't think I'm capable of the love-at-first-sight or head-over-heels thing anymore but it does look like I've thrown myself to the other end of the spectrum and take things painfully slow. This weekend didn't go at all as planned and the couple of bright moments I had were short-lived. I did go over to a friend's place Friday night and enjoyed myself. I also got invited out Saturday night and as much as I wanted to go out, I just didn't want to go to Lucas'. This week is another short week and I'm sure things will improve soon.

12/5/04 - 10:15 pm Its been another long while since I've done an update but I just haven't been in the mood to write anything down. T-day came and went with only a minimum of pain involved this year. I managed to keep myself "busy" in my room most of the day doing work so mother really didn't have a chance to bother me too much. Dinner was okay at best since we went out to eat rather than having a good home cooked meal. I only heard the "maybe you'll have someone to bring next year" line two times this year. It made me think back to last year at this time and how happy I was, even if it was a big secret. Last week was a busy week at work for me and this week is not going to be any different. Friday was a pretty good night though, even if it did end far too late for my tastes. It started right after work at the bowling alley on post and finished up at Hard Times at 2am. I got to hang out with some new people and generally had a good night.

12/16/04 - 9:37 pm Life has been so busy lately. The last few weeks of my day job have been a mix of totally insane days and just plain busy days. Not only is it the holiday vacation season but its also flu season so we have routinely been short-handed for weeks. Then there is my side job which while I haven't had a lot of different calls, the few I've had have been very time consuming. I did finally fix a computer that a co-worker had been working on for a couple months. The final solution to get it working was horribly simple to do but also something that never should have been necessary in the first place. Both of my jobs still keep me pretty happy though, enough to draw my attentions away from all the other things in life that I'm not happy with. I won't rehash any of that though since we all know what I'm missing. Its enough to say that my reoccurring nightmare is still with me after a decade and that my dream girl still only exists in my dreams. I did get some pretty nice compliments tonight at my company's Xmas dinner, and if I am to believe one of them, I am apparently an inspiration to someone. Its nice to be that at least once in a lifetime. Time for bed I suppose.

12/22/04 - 1:00 am I am wide awake but very very tired. I did my usual weekly trip to the bowling alley tonight and was greeted by a most unexpected surprise... someone I hadn't seen nor heard from in months but thought about on an almost daily basis. Yeah, I know what you're probably thinking... "Wells, you need to get over her and move on." Well, if you're thinking that then you don't know me well enough. It isn't just her, its all of them. It doesn't matter how it ended or how I was treated or why things are they way they are, it only matters that I chose to care about them. That choice was not made lightly and regardless of how badly I was hurt or how badly I hurt them, I will be there for them when they need me. Tonight was just a reminder of that... a reminder of my place in this world. I'm ashamed that I almost convinced myself to break that promise to myself, to throw up my hands and say "oh well" and "I don't care". Tonight was a much needed wakeup call in that regard. I will be there for them if they ever need me, even if I'm the last person they would ever call, for as long as I can be. Work today was busy but also full of conversations about Xmas and the difficulty of shopping, buying presents, spending time with relatives/family, etc. My response to the complainers was simple... would you trade any of it in for something else? With the exception of one person (that would be Asshat) the answer was "no". So eventhough people complain about Xmas, the presents, the family, the money, the obligations, etc, they still wouldn't give it up. That's a pretty good Xmas message... be happy for what you have for as long as you can. As for me, I do my best to be happy with my duties to those I care about. Sometimes it even helps if they don't know or don't care that I'll be there for them if they ever need me... I'm not this way to get any kind of reward after all. In case I don't do another update... have a happy Xmas.

12/26/04 - 11:55 pm I survived another Xmas at home but not without a lot of help. Xmas day would have been pretty good if I hadn't heard things like "maybe next year we'll have some more people to invite over" or "that will be your present to me next year, for you to have someone to bring over" or my new favorite... "your dad and I would like to go away but we wouldn't want you to spend Xmas by yourself." I don't know what prompted the almost hourly comments yesterday but it has never been this bad in years past. I did survive though... three days of being home and four meals with the parents... at least the food was good. There were a few reasons for me to smile over the long weekend though... a couple unexpected emails, a chat with friend I miss and worry about, and a good dream one night. So that was it for Xmas 2004... hopefully the last Xmas like this. I am looking forward to getting back to work tomorrow to start another short week. I think I have plans for New Years Eve and New Years Day but we'll have to see. It does look like January will be a busy month for me though... plans the next three weekends and then I head to Florida the last weekend for a week long conference.

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