9/18/98 - 3:30am Well, I finally have some company here at school. Nice to have someone visit because they want to rather than because they need something. I was asked earlier tonight if I was uncomfortable with what was going on, my company being a couple as it were. I was not of course, but it did make me think about what would make me uncomfortable. After a few minutes of quick thought then and more thought now, I really don't think they could make me uncomfortable. I guess it's all because of how "right" these two seem to be for each other. Without naming names, "he" got my approval the very first time I met him, which is no small feat. Not that my approval matters to anyone but myself anyway. I just seem to be know when things could/will work out for my friends, although I do wish I had the same ability for my own love-life. To that end, a few close calls recently, but all have fallen through. On the bright side, tomorrow is another day.
9/29/98 - 10:50pm Have you ever said something flattering about someone to a friend but then found out that you actually said it to the person you were talking about in the first place? I did that last night on ICQ and felt rather embarrassed about it. Then I saw that person just a few minutes ago and felt even more embarrassed about it. Right now I'm feelin' pretty stupid.
10/6/98 - 11:33 pm Today started out really wrong. In got up, got online to check my mail and horoscope, and found the following... "If you're reading this, then you made the mistake of getting out of bed today. Act quickly, crawl back into bed and stay there until tomorrow. Your day is just going to suck. 1 out of 10 (and it's not a 0 only because you aren't going to die today)." Thankfully, my day was quite good. I did get to talk to the person that I embarrassed myself in front of the other night. Here is a bit of her wisdom... "I think that people can fall in love more than once in their lives. You know people that think there is only one person in the world for them, I think they are wrong. I think love is 50 percent compromise, and no matter what the other fifty is or how much you love the person, if you don't have compromise then you don't have anything. Even though you could love the person 110 percent." Pretty wise eh?
10/8/98 - 9:40 pm Today was a fairly good day until a short bit ago, now it's turned into just another typical day. I was sitting here studying for my calculus test and listening to the tv when the phone rang. I was expecting it to be a certain someone that wanted my help with calculus, but it wasn't. Instead, it was three friends in need of a ride to a party. Being the nice guy that I am, I drove over to pick them up. They weren't quite ready to go yet, but I was expecting that so I sat down and waited. So far my day is still good. The way I looked at it was that I was in a house with three absolutely beautiful women and was about to be seen with all of them in my car. Sure beats sitting by myself studying for calculus, of course having your teeth pulled with a spoon beats studying for calculus. Anyway, after they were ready we went out to my car and found a parking citation on my window. Once again, being nice ends up screwing me over.
10/9/98 - 2:13 am Well, the person that needed my help with calculus called around 10:45 pm and said that she didn't feel like studying anymore, which didn't surprise me and didn't do anything to improve my mood. It would have been nice to see her, she's one of those people that can cheer you up simply by talking to you. I finished studying and went to bed by 1:30 am. Around 2 am the phone rang. I knew it could only be one of two things, a wrong number or drunken women needing a ride home. It was the latter so I got up and went to get them. They weren't exactly in a good mood when I got there, apparently several friends had said they would give them a ride home but all had backed out. I didn't mind picking them up, I'd do just about anything for them after all, but it did make me think about about friendship. It seems that the term "friend" is used a little too loosely sometimes. Sure, you may have a long list of "friends," but how many of them can really be counted on? After sitting down and really thinking about that, you may find yourself with a very short list.
10/10/98 - 4:20 am Today was a very full day. Had a calculus test and a latin quiz, don't think I did too well on either. Called the the parking authority to see how much that ticket I got was, turns out to be $27.50...a little expensive I thought for parking on the sidewalk. There just aren't enough parking spaces in this town. Went shopping with a couple of friends, had fun. Just got back from shooting pool and drinking....now that was fun.
10/12/98 - 12:34 pm Damn....have you ever met someone that is so sweet, so nice, and so absolutely beautiful that they make you happy simply by thinking about them? I met this person just over two weeks ago and she is quite simply amazing. She has a boyfriend of course but that doesn't matter since she'd never go out with me anyway. I don't get to see or talk to her that much, but when I do it does make my day. Hrm...it doesn't take much to make me happy does it?
10/14/98 - 11:47 pm Interesting day. Went to my lab today for class and found that the server was down. This annoyed me. I go to lab to work on my projects because I can't do them from home, another source of annoyance, and something always goes wrong. The fact that I'm not allowed access to the system from home is sheer incompetence on the part of the sysadmin, but to have the server down during a scheduled class is ridiculous. When I got home from class I ran into my neighbor from across the hall, she was bringing in groceries while I was headed out to get my mail. I said "hi" to her but she just walked by me. Now I don't know this girl at all, don't even know her name, but when I say "hi" to her, she always says it back. After she passed me I noticed her boyfriend getting more groceries out of her car. Now I know why she didn't say anything, her and her boyfriend were fighting again. Several times in the past I've heard them fighting, and that was through two doors and over a tv. I fail to understand why people that fight as much and as loudly as they do bother staying together. Their fights usually end about the same way, him calling her something inappropriate and her telling him to get out. I don't know anything about her, but I do know that I don't like him. I've heard enough knuckle-dragging, cromagnon, chauvinist remarks from him to know that he is one of those men that give nice guys like me a bad name. Finally, a short while ago I got a phone call from one of the friends that I gave a ride to the other night. One of the others told her about my page and they seemed a bit confused about what I had said. Basically she wanted to know if I didn't like them calling me asking for favors. To clarify, I like people asking me for favors, although when I do something nice it usually comes back to bite me. Call it one of the grand ironies of the universe if you want to, but the nicer I am, the more I get hurt. Now, there are those people that call me or drop by only when they need something, and it's those people I have a problem with, but the three friends I mentioned above most definitely don't fall into that category. I don't know, maybe I should stop writing down my thoughts.
10/19/98 - 1:32 am It's been a while since I had a weekend this good. I went home this weekend to party with some friends and had a blast. Some interesting things did happen, including a rather upsetting confrontation with a couple of minority students at UMCP. It seems they didn't like the fact that a couple of us were standing up in the stands preventing them from seeing the exciting events happening on the floor (sarcasm...nothing was happening on the floor). They ended up saying a few choice racial slurs which were ignored entirely. This is one of those times when I tend to loose a bit of my desire to see all races become totally equal. When a small act such as standing up in front of someone can generate such a violent and hateful response, why should we bother trying to make everyone equal when these kinds of people are so obviously inferior. On the bright side, I got to party with a bunch of friends and got quite drunk. Lots of very attractive people there, one in particular I found most attractive....more on that another time....maybe.
10/24/98 - 4:13 am This week was pure hell, but tonight made me feel a lot better. Earlier tonight I got to walk around town, during the homecoming parade, with one of the most beautiful and wonderful people I know. Made me feel pretty good. Later on, a friend and I went to a very good party and got fairly drunk, I'm still drunk actually. The day wasn't perfect, but it was pretty close. Let's hope tomorrow goes as well.
10/25/98 - 1:48 am Well...today did not go as I had hoped. The football game was good, even if we did lose. Tailgating in The Pit was fun as always. While we were standing around drinking, a cop came up and carded one of the people there. He was underage of course, but I found it kinda hypocritical that he got busted for drinking beer when the people running The Pit hand you a beer cup when you walk in. If the school doesn't want underage people drinking, then they shouldn't hand out beer cups. Anyway, after the game was a bit disappointing. I was hoping to go to a party but the person that said she'd call never did. I wonder if she did what she promised she'd do?
10/29/98 - 2:21 am My week has been...less than perfect shall we say. The low point thus far has been losing my ATM card...long story. On the brighter side, I got a very good letter earlier today that made me pretty happy. Other than that, I had a dream this evening while I was taking a nap, a very good dream. One of those dreams that leaves you all warm and fuzzy until you realize it was just a dream. It was about no one specific and not about anything sexual, just about something I miss.
10/31/98 - 4:12 am Well, the week is finally over and I just got back from celebrating that fact. It was a very good night tonight, a little pool and a lot of drinking with a good friend, can't ask for much else. Okay, I can ask for something else... I've been thinking about the "something else" for about a week now and am more confused than ever. I've never been terribly good at figuring things out when it comes to people being interested in me, especially in recent years. When the signs are obvious I think that I must be wrong. When they're not so obvious, I miss them entirely. This is one of those times that I wish someone would just tell me "yes" or "no," I'd even settle for a "maybe," at least it would end some of the confusion. Amazing how one word can solve so many problems. Time for bed, and hopefully a good dream.
11/2/98 - 3:21 am A rather boring day today, spent a lot of it studying. A friend asked me to call her tonight, which gave me a feeling that something was wrong. As it turned out, I was right, her and her boyfriend broke up. Things between them aren't terrible, he just needs some time to sort some stuff out. Thankfully, she's not holding her breath. That was the most exciting thing that happened today.
11/3/98 - 2:46 am My day was just plain bad until about 9 pm. I and the rest of my computer science class probably failed our test today. I have never taken a test where most of the class failed to finish the test before the time was up. After that I got to stand in line for two hours for tickets to this weekend's game. I was going to pay with a credit card, but they neglected to tell everyone that they weren't accepting it there. Nice of them eh? My day really improved once I went down to The Page with a couple of friends. I saw a bunch of people I hadn't seen in a while, including one of the most unbelievable women on the planet. If plans go as I hope they do, we'll be going out Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday nights. Never really had the chance to get to know this girl like I wanted to, she's always had a boyfriend before. We'll have to see what happens.
11/6/98 - 2:09 am This week has gone by fast, but not fast enough. I have company coming on Saturday and I can't wait. After tonight though, a very small part of me doesn't want them here. I went down to The Page for ladies night with one of my female friends and had fun, but it made me feel weird. The girl I mentioned the other night didn't come, don't really think she wanted to. I was with who I was with and that did make me happy. After I got home I started to feel a little unhappy. Something about going out with a gorgeous woman and then coming back to a one bedroom apartment by myself that gets me down. Maybe it's because I've done it so many times. About my company this weekend, I want them here, but not here exactly. My place just seems so bland and boring, not what you'd expect from a college student. Just something about the whole one bedroom single guy thing that I don't like. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about having company, especially who I'm having, but... I don't know how to explain it anymore. I guess the best way to end this is to say that I'm tired of being single and without any prospects.
11/9/98 - 12:55 am Wow, the past 30 or so hours has been quite good. Having company this weekend was very nice, especially since they really seemed to enjoy themselves. I didn't get much sleep last night, it's been a while since I've shared a bed with anyone, and the first time I shared a bed with someone I wasn't going out with. Nothing happened nor was anything supposed to happen, which was what caused me problems. I guess that's the problem with being a cuddler, not being able to touch someone sleeping next to you is kinda uncomfortable. After my company left today I ended up going out to dinner with an old friend and catching up on the past. Found out that one of my friends from high school is now married, which got me a little down and left me wanting someone in my life. After that I went over to a friend's place and hung out for a while. Got to give my second back rub of the weekend to someone there, that made me happy. Tomorrow is not going to be a good day because of the two tests I'm going to get back, but maybe my night will lift my spirits.
11/11/98 - 11:50 pm Well, those two tests did not turn out well as expected, but I'm not letting them get me down. Yesterday a friend called me and as soon as she said "hi" I knew something was wrong. Granted it was about 12:45 pm and she never calls me that early, I could still tell that something was wrong by her voice. As it turned out, her boyfriend's grandmother had died and she just needed a voice. I'm not very good at talking about this kind of thing over the phone, so I don't know if I helped or not. She left later that day to go home. Today she called and said she'd be back tomorrow, which I was glad to hear. I was more happy that she called just to let us know that she was okay. Other than that, still more confusion about various things.
11/17/98 - 1:58 am Life since Friday has been pretty good. Got a little drunk Friday night with a friend, got very drunk Saturday night with some other friends. Sunday night was very interesting... learned some new things about someone... I'll just leave it at that. Today was normal except for my night class. We had a test, but for some reason the teacher was about 35 copies short. Those of us that didn't get a copy had to wait until some were run off while the rest of the class took the test. It only took 15 minutes to take the test, but most of the first group left while the second group was finishing, so there really wasn't a class afterwards. To end my night on a good note, I had company....
11/20/98 - 2:03 am Today was one of those days when I thank the powers that be that I have so many beautiful female friends. I'm fairly certain that I wouldn't be around if it weren't for my friends. I went down to the Page tonight for ladies night with perhaps the most wonderful girl on the planet and some of her friends. Had a great time and didn't spend a cent, thanks to the aforementioned girl. Hrm....what else.... classes this week were okay, although I did spend way too much time working on computer projects. Other than that, my confusion has changed into more of a frustration and there seems to be no end in sight. Okay, off to bed.
11/22/98 - 12:05 am Well, I've been home for about 30 hours now and I am getting sick and am very ready to go back to school. Last night was a very rough one, I was bored out of my mind and I didn't get to sleep until 6 am this morning. Stuff just kept popping into my head, mostly the same old relationship crap. Despite how badly I want a relationship, I'm not so eager that I rush into one with just anyone. Recently when things have gone south, I didn't sweat it too much, they weren't too right for me anyway. Twice in my life however I've found women that are as close to perfect as perfect can be. I took me a year to figure that out about the first one, but the second didn't take long at all. Last night I kept wondering how many more times I'm going to come across women like these in my life. That and if I'm ever going to be given a chance with them. As for today, I went out with a bunch of people to celebrate some birthdays. We went to a great place but had to wait 3 1/2 hours for a table. The food was good but not 3 1/2 hours of waiting good. The time we spent waiting was pretty fun, went to a really interesting place called "Dave and Buster's" that was a huge arcade, bar, pool hall, and restaurant all in one. After finally making it into the restaurant things got a little weird for me. I think it was because of the company I was with. Everyone was either engaged or with their significant other which made me feel a little out of the loop. I just kind of sat there thinking about life and trying to say a few things to throw off suspicion. I have a feeling that tonight was typical of how my week is going to go. Tomorrow should improve though.
11/25/98 - 1:55 am Okay, the last two days have not been that great. To sum them up in one word... "ouch." The cold I knew I was getting on Saturday announced itself Sunday morning with a sore throat, stuffy nose, and pain in joints I didn't know I had. Personally I attribute this illness to being home, especially since I haven't had so much as a sniffle since May. Thankfully today was great. I went to visit a friend at work and boy did she ever cheer me up. She didn't have to do anything and I would have been happy, but she made a simple gesture and made me feel so special that nothing could have ruined my mood. The rest of the day was uneventful, but I really didn't care, I was still happy.
11/26/98 - 4:37 am Well, she did it again. Today was okay for the most part. I got some of the parts for my new computer, had lunch with a good friend, and managed to get back to school. My drive back was not the greatest, took me an hour to drive 35 miles, but I am back and feeling good so I shouldn't complain. Went over to one of my best friends' place and watched some tv when I got back. Came home from there just a bit ago and found a message on my voice mail. It was her, just calling to see if I made it back. I wish I was here to get the call but knowing that she called and hearing her voice did make me feel good. It's been a very long time since anyone has had this affect on me and it does scare me. It's not the feelings that scare me, it's their probable result. I suppose I'm a fool for even dreaming the things I do, but occasionally in my dreams I do end up happy.
11/27/98 - 3:23 am Thanksgiving has come and gone for this year and I kept the promise I made to myself last Thanksgiving. It was a lonely and difficult day, but surviving it did make me stronger. Managed to go shoot some pool but did not enjoy myself as I usually do on account of a couple people that spent more time making out than playing pool. Things on other fronts have turned south. I am less confused about things but the certainty that I've gained is not what I had hoped for. I did get to chat with a friend on ICQ today. She worries me as always despite her being okay. I wish I could meet her someday, but I have a feeling that that would put an end to our relationship. Things should improve soon.
11/30/98 - 2:48 am This week is finally over, and not a moment too soon. The highlight of my day was talking to that special person. Unfortunately she's sick and very stressed out. I wish I could comfort her with more than just words, but I have a feeling that that dream is simply not to be. I guess I'm caught in a difficult position or three on this one. On one hand she's already in a relationship that I'm not interfering in, except to offer advice if she'll take it. On another hand one of my friends is just as attracted to her as I am, and from where I sit he's got a lot better chance than I do. On a third hand, if I had one, she makes me so happy and is so right that I can't just give up this time. What to do. If things go as I think they will, life will become increasingly intolerable. I don't mind saying that I'm very good at making people happy, and on paper I'm what a lot of women are looking for. Now that I've actually found someone that doesn't care about looks, I'll probably never get the chance to make her happy. Perhaps tomorrow will improve things.
12/1/98 - 3:02 am Hey, I was right, things did improve today. Getting back to classes felt good, despite me coughing through most of the day. This week is going to be rough, I have two tests on Friday and two big papers due next week, neither of which I can really concentrate on until after the two tests. I was supposed to have some company come over tonight, but plans got changed right before my eyes. Unsure of how to react to that situation.
12/1/98 - 7:09 pm My day was okay and I am in fairly good spirits except that I am very worried about someone. My confusion and frustration about the whole situation is going to be put on hold for a while, I'm more worried about her happiness and stress level. She's knows that I'm here for her if she needs me, which can sometimes be helpful whether or not I'm ever called upon. I haven't actually seen her in a week and given her insane schedule I don't know when I'll get the chance to. As long as I get to hear her laugh once every day or so I won't be too worried.
12/3/98 - 1:04 am Today was a very painful day. Had one of the worst headaches I've had in a long while today and I didn't get rid of it until around 7:00 pm. My friend did manage to make it back today which made me very happy. I know she had a rough day but I'm glad she decided to come back here instead of taking another trip that she had planned. Talked to another friend tonight on the phone for about an hour and a half. It was a good talk, surprisingly good in fact. As for tomorrow, if it goes as planned, it should be a very good day.
12/4/98 - 12:53 am A very long but very good day. Spent most of my free time studying for two tests, both of which I have a bad feeling about. Went to see "A Bug's Life" with a friend, good movie. Went down to The Page for a short while with the same friend, had some fun, played some pool. Talked to her for a very short while about what's going on in her life. I'm less worried about her now because I know how strong she is, but I'm still worried as to what she will choose to do. The way I see it, no matter what she does, someone ends up hurting. Off to bed... big day and bigger night tomorrow.
12/4/98 - 9:48 pm I've never been a big fan of roller coasters, either the real or emotional kind, which is why today was so difficult. It started off with very little sleep on account of how worried I was about my tests. Actually taking them did not improve things any. I was so frustrated after the first one that I almost skipped the second one. I didn't feel much better after I was done, but at least it was Friday so my week was over. I stopped by a friend's place right after my second test, he had company so I felt like I was intruding. His company asked if I wanted to go to the mall with them and before I realized what I'd said, I had already said yes. My gut told me that I should have said no, but my mouth moved faster than my gut. After the mall I came home for a short while before heading down to The Page with that someone special that I keep mentioning. I was enjoying myself most of the time, played some pool, drank a little, talked with friends, stuff like that. I even got a friendly kiss on the cheek, which is probably one of the best things that's happened to me in years. Shortly after that though I suddenly felt really empty, probably because everyone disappeared for a few minutes. When they came back we started asking each other questions just to have something to talk about. The questions were fine until we got to the one about what we look for in another person. Since no one ever reads this page but me, I figure it's safe to say that any and all doubts as to whether this special person is a perfect match for me are now gone. When you hear someone describe you as what they look for in another person, it makes you happy and erases all doubt. Those moments of joy were mixed with moments of sadness and have now turned into a great amount of frustration. Frustration because I know what it could be like and that I won't do anything about it because her happiness is more important than mine. I really do hate roller coaster days like this.
12/6/98 - 3:56 am Today was one of the best days I've had in years. My day started with someone getting me out of bed by knocking on my door. Usually this annoys me, but how can anyone be anything but happy when the first person they see is her, especially since she didn't run away screaming after seeing me fresh out of bed :) After I showered we went shopping and had a blast. I love shopping with people, especially women that aren't afraid to come out of the dressing room to show you what's they're trying on. After grocery shopping, we came back and she cooked dinner for me and another friend, and it was damn good. After that, the three of us watched a movie. It was just me and her for most of the day, which I was not expecting but was happy about nonetheless. I learned a few new things about her, and she learned some new stuff about me. Today was just the kind of day I needed to lift my spirits.
12/7/98 - 3:31 pm I should be happy right now, can't really explain why I'm not. I still have my night class to go to yet and my day has already been less than wonderful. As expected I didn't do well on either of my tests, but neither did a lot of other people. School this semester is getting to me. It seems like no matter how much homework I do, how many classes I go to, I just can't get things right on the tests.
12/10/98 - 2:15 am Okay, I've been up for the past 38 hours and need some sleep. Today was fairly stressful, until about 3 pm when I finally got everything handed in and came home for a power nap. Of course my phone was ringing as I was walking in the door. It was a friend needing to use my computer, which was no problem of course. She was here for a little over 4 hours, which didn't really bother me except that I had nothing to do. I did get a little down after she left, I think it was because I was hoping to have some company, or at least a phone call by then. Went out for a bit around 9:30 pm and when I came home I had a very sad sounding message on my voice mail. Just someone that needed to hear a voice I guess because she was okay when I called her back. Okay, now I'm going to bed.12/11/98 - 1:34 am Today was a pretty decent day. Classes went fine, had dinner and went shopping with that special someone, went down to The Page for a while, even did a good deed for a stranger. Felt really happy while I was at The Page, probably because so many people that I knew happened to be there. My life seems to be improving steadily as of late, hope it continues.
12/12/98 - 1:48 am WOW!! Lots of good stuff happened today. First off, I am feeling much better about my finals next week. Second, I got to go see a movie with two of my friends. Third, we went to a great place for dinner. Fourth.... well, the fourth thing I can't really describe. I guess you could call it an epiphany, a moment of perfect clarity when things just seem right. What made it so perfect would seem small to most people, but it made me feel happy nonetheless. Okay, it's bed time for me. Maybe I'll have a good dream...
12/13/98 - 2:56 am Today was a long day of studying that ended in a night with some friends. I spent most of the day being rather bored but things got much better around 7:30 pm. Went down and shot some pool with a friend, taught her a little about pool since she wasn't all that good. She most definitely shows promise, probably be beating me in a month or so. I think tonight was a much better night than I originally thought it to be.
12/15/98 - 2:32 pm Life since my last update has been very busy and stressful. My calculus final went better than expected yesterday but it still wasn't great. I did something very foolish Sunday night that I am now regretting. It was foolish because it was a pointless gesture, perhaps meaningless is a better word for it. I've only done it two other times in my life and they both ended up being very special memories. Last night was a very long night for me. After eating some Chinese with a friend (the highlight of my day) I came home and waited for another friend to come over to type a paper. She got here around 1 am and didn't leave till a little past 4 am. I didn't fall asleep until around 6 am, too many thoughts in my head. I woke up at 11 am this morning when the phone rang. I was glad it was who it was. The last time she woke me up I had a great day. She came over and she watched her shows that I had taped for her. A little while ago she fell asleep while we were watching tv. I've never really been in a room while someone was trying to sleep, I usually leave so I don't bother them. Since it was my room, I figured it would be okay to stay. I didn't think that she could get and more beautiful than she already is, but I was wrong. There must be something about sleeping people that makes them more attractive. Okay, time to get going.
12/20/98 - 5:41 pm I have been home for a comparatively short amount of time and my break is already destroyed for the most part. I can now add "mean" to the list of names my mother has called me over the years, a list that I think I will add to my homepage, just for my own records of course. About 20 minutes after she finished making me feel worthless, she came back up and told me to smile. Exactly how am I supposed to smile after she tells me that "your dad and I have a happy life together" implying that it would be better if I weren't in it. Tonight should improve my mood, but only because one of my friends is coming home and I will hopefully get to talk to another friend on the phone.
12/23/98 - 2:31 pm Things have improved a bit since my last update. Went shopping yesterday with a friend and her boyfriend and had some fun. I was hoping to have some other company along for the trip, but that kind of fell through. Life around here is just pretty boring I guess. I'm hoping that things will improve around New Year's, but we'll have to wait and see.
12/23/98 - 11:21 pm It snowed today here in Frederick which means we may actually have a white Christmas, the first in a number of years. In a way I'm not so happy to see the snow come, eventhough it isn't even an inch. I was hoping to have some company after Christmas but it sort of depends on the weather, and if his truck works or not. I did go for a walk in the park a little while ago, one of the few things I miss when I'm at school. I probably shouldn't have gone since I had to drive on uncleared roads to get there, but I wanted to walk while the snow was still falling. As usual, lots of stuff popped into my head while I was walking, stuff about friends, school, women, the past, and of course relationships. As far as relationships go, the confusion about my current hope is getting worse. Sometimes things seem to be going very very right, but then there are times when things seem to be going very very wrong. When questions are asked, I get answers that I take as positive. You may not know if you'd go out with someone, but you'd definitely know if you absolutely wouldn't. That sentence probably doesn't make sense to anyone else but me and the person I asked the question to. My walk did do me some good because after weighing all the things that have been said and done I still have high hopes. Of course nothing can happen until I make sure she's alright.
12/25/98 - 11:21 pm I hope everyone had a good Christmas, mine was pretty good. It started with a phone call to a friend, the one that always makes me happy. Talked to her and her younger sister for a while, undoubtedly the cutest pair of voices ever. As for my presents, I got just about everything I wanted, with the exception of "happiness," but that isn't exactly a gift you can wrap up. The rest of my day was pretty good, no fights or arguments with the parents. I was looking forward to exchanging gifts with my friends tonight, but that didn't happen. Was pretty happy all day until I took a nap and had my nightmare. That brought up thoughts of my last truly happy Christmas five years ago. I've always gotten pretty much what I ask for when it comes to Christmas, but since that year, I just haven't wanted anything, at least not in the material sense. I'd gladly trade everything I've gotten to feel the kind of happiness I did that Christmas. Oddly enough, for the first time since then I think I've found my happiness again. Unfortunately there's no middle ground on this one, I'll either end up very happy, or totally miserable. I'll take what I can get for now, at least I'm happy at the moment.
12/26/98 - 11:15 pm Okay, we suck, we've now lost eight straight Bowl games, but at least this one was close. Of course if we actually had a real kicker we wouldn't have lost. I would like to personally thank Mr. Taylor for costing us 3 points and giving the other team 9. Us losing the game was the low point of my day, which means I had a pretty good day otherwise. I talked to a few friends, went for a drive, and got some other things done. I haven't a clue why I was so happy today, but I have a feeling that tomorrow will be very good.
12/30/98 - 11:47 pm The past few days have been pretty good. Went to Morgantown for a couple of days to see one friend and to help another out. It was a very good trip for everyone I think. I needed to get away from here pretty badly, my partner in the car needed to get back for an interview, and another friend just needed some company. I'll be going back for good in a few days and I'm pretty excited about that. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve and I know it isn't going to be as good as I had hoped. I'm going to a party where I'll only know two other people, I was hoping to take someone but she can't go. She thought that she wouldn't have much fun and now I don't think I'll have much fun either for the same reason. I suppose I shouldn't be so negative until after tomorrow night, I might be surprised.